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| Living together before marriage is "immoral" | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 25 2015, 03:23 AM (1,120 Views) | |
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May 25 2015, 03:23 AM Post #1 |
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This is more of a rant than anything else, but I suppose it could become a discussion. For quite a while now, my girlfriend and I have planned to get an apartment and move out together. My parents have known about this the entire time. They even acted supportive of it (which was extremely surprising to me, by the way) and offered to help pay the deposit and some of the rent if it was too much for us to handle on our own. Well, now I see why they "seemed" so supportive... When I was talking to them about the apartments I'd been looking at today, I mentioned the price for a one bedroom. My dad said something along the lines of "What about a two bedroom? You aren't getting a one bedroom," and they got all mad. I said, "Well, why would I get a two bedroom? That's just wasted space and money." That sent them into a total rant. "Living together before marriage is wrong and immoral. You shouldn't live together before marriage. You're lucky your dad and I even considered letting you have her as a roommate. We thought you would get a two bedroom. How were we supposed to know you were planning something like this? What did you think you were going to do, sleep together every single night? That goes against our beliefs. Blah blah blah." My parents demand that I either get a two bedroom and "show visible signs that we are using both spaces separately" or they will no longer financially support me once I move out. First of all, I understand where they are coming from, but this really makes no sense... It's their money, and they can do what they want with it, but to suddenly back out of supporting me because I want a one bedroom? That's kind of silly. They've known we were dating since day one. I assumed that they knew we had sex as well, but I guess I was wrong. My mother lets me spend the night at my girlfriend's house all the time. We sleep in the same bed there. What did she think we were doing? I think they're telling me this because they want to feel good about themselves. I'm not hurting anyone, I'm doing what makes me happy. But they can't be supportive of that because it goes against their beliefs. I was tempted to say, "Well then we'll just get married then." But of course I won't do that simply for their sake. I believe in living together before marriage to test the waters. That's what I believe, and I wish they would respect that. I'll play their games for now. We may end up getting a two bedroom and turning the second one into a guest room, but I would hate to be living a lie for the sake of pleasing them. Honestly, I need their support, but I don't want to risk my own happiness for theirs. Is this just silly? Is it worth getting worked up over? I have no idea, but it pisses me off. It's just a mess. They said they would "talk it over" and see what they think, and that they may not even support us getting a two bedroom now that they know we had planned to sleep together. |
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| Cloud | May 25 2015, 03:51 AM Post #2 |
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Take the two bedroom and make the second room a man cave. Trust me, you're going to want your own space sometimes after a while. I'm in a healthy relationship with my wife and we both want our own space time to time. There will be days where you just want to get online and waste time on a forum. It is difficult to do that when both you and your GF are home/around each other all the time. As for their beliefs. Not much I can say on it. I disagree with the morality part of it, but I can't judge them for it. I think it's healthy to live with your other half for a while before marriage. You never know a person until you get to know them. If they want to back out financially supporting you, it's their prerogative. Can't say it sounds a tad selfish to back out of an arrangement because things suddenly weren't the way you assumed they were without asking questions. But it is their money. However, you are their child. They should support you up to a point. I think the point they should stop is where you become handicapped due to their support. Metaphorically handicapped that is. Not literally handicapped. |
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| + Pyrus | May 25 2015, 03:56 AM Post #3 |
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A 2-bedroom would be nice, like Faylen said. Being with your significant other 24/7 isn't practical, at least in my opinion. Sometimes you really do just want to sit down and mess around on the computer for a couple hours to do your own thing, and that's hard to do when you have to be in the same room as them and can't go anywhere else. It turns into "why are you ignoring me for a computer?" and then it's just bleh. |
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May 25 2015, 04:06 AM Post #4 |
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I'm okay with the two bedroom bit. The part that irked me was the "if I come over and there aren't visible signs that you've been living and sleeping in separate rooms, we aren't financially supporting it any more." My girlfriend suggested we put a futon and TV in the room to make it look like someone was sleeping there and put all of her clothes in that closet. I don't necessarily need their financial support, but it would be nice. I mean, we could easily move into a cheaper apartment. The downside of that would be giving up a superior, safer location, though. I think that it's necessary to live with a partner before marriage to make sure you're still compatible living together. They fail to see my side on the matter because "the bible says this, and therefore it must be right." I'm willing to compromise with them, but I want to have a talk with them where I can freely discuss my beliefs and stance on the matter without it turning into an argument. I didn't really say anything to them tonight because I was too shocked and upset. |
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| + Pyrus | May 25 2015, 04:08 AM Post #5 |
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Ja, that sounds like they don't want to let you run your own life. Living under the same roof and being in a relationship, but sleeping in separate beds? Hah. Only for the extremely dysfunctional or if one of you is contagious. |
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| TheGmGoken | May 25 2015, 04:11 AM Post #6 |
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I have a 2 room apartment for the exact reasons as the other 2 posted. You'll be surprise at what use an extra room can have. You can make it to anything you want. Game room? Geek room? Alone time room? The "we just had a fight so F you room". Or be like me and make it an office with a MAC, Printer, IPad, Tablet, TVs, and house phone (sh*t actually was useful). Trust me. You might wanna consider a second room. I would suggest a cheap apartment but they have bad areas with them. Your parents reaction caught me off guard. Most parents are thrilled to have their kids leave. And with a roommate too. Also immoral? Is that their beliefs? Both of them? Or is that like some religion or old school way of thinking? Edited by TheGmGoken, May 25 2015, 04:13 AM.
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May 25 2015, 04:13 AM Post #7 |
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The problem with the two bedroom thing is it has to be converted into a pretend bedroom, which is just a big lie. They're conservative Christians and fail to see how my beliefs could ever differ from theirs. We obviously just need to have a discussion. |
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| TheGmGoken | May 25 2015, 04:19 AM Post #8 |
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A long and sadly probably heated discussion is needed ASAP. A pretend bedroom. Are you f*cking serious? How often will they visit? That's a no offense but an ***hole rule. I'll say you should stand up to them and take a second job if needed to pay. Seriously that's so rude. I didn't even know the bible said that you shouldn't live together unless marriage. And my grandma a preacher! If possible pay for it yourself but you're in college. But if you must. Talk to them for hours to convince them. Or ask other family for help. |
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| EMIYA | May 25 2015, 04:22 AM Post #9 |
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"I am the bone of my sword."
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You already know, or I assume you do that I support all sorts of relationships. Straight, Gay, Lesbian, bisexual, cohabitation, etc. Relationships are for the people inside of them and how they desire to do them is their choice. This seems to be that exact case, the morality of some objective point that can't be logically explained a tall and is just there to make the other person feel good about themselves. Life doesn't revolve around feelings as much as we may like them too, it revolves around logic and its using that logic to better benefit yourself. Your morality might say that this is your choice and that you have as much right as your partner to do as you want with the relationship. You know what you want to make you feel good, you want that freedom of choice for your own relationship. On the opposite side you have logic, the logic that you need to be financially supported. In short you have a choice. Let's say there are two opposite ends with no compromise. You can either do as you want and believe in the benefits of the relationship you produce but at the same time give up the financial support. Can you handle that lack of support for the sake of fighting for the cause you believe in. I'm not you so i can't say but you must think about it. In the long run, is that fight worth it. I don't want to change this subject really but its like people in a civil rights union. Does fighting against the system worth it in the long run and for many of them, yes it was. Will that be the same for you. On the opposite scale, you can do what your parents say. You will have your financial support but at the same time you give up that belief of choice in your relationship. Is that worth it for you? Is it worth not being able to make your own decision while essentially being cared for? Here's what I say. If you can't work it without your parents financial support, don't try to break from that. Money might not make people happy but it certainly makes the world go round. But if you can, by all means do so. If you can financially support yourself and your partner, do so. This is your relationship and you and your partner gets to decide what you think is best for them. If your parents cannot find it themselves to support you, it is not your responsibility to let them. I don't want you to ever think you feel obliged to do something. This is your choice and many people have broken away from family to hold their own futures. Many of them have succeeded and many of them have failed. The real issue is, do you believe the consequences from whichever choice you make will ultimately be more positive than negative and that's something you and your partner will have to make. Edited by EMIYA, May 25 2015, 04:23 AM.
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| Cloud | May 25 2015, 04:30 AM Post #10 |
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Go for the pretend bedroom. Futon, TV, closet with stuff in it, w/e. I doubt they'll be over to visit much after the first two weeks. You'll be busy, they'll be busy and ideally you will be out of their way so it's not something they can do on the way to somewhere they go to often. Even if they do visit, I'd be surprised if they're inspecting a closet to see if clothing is in it. |
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| + Steve | May 25 2015, 04:40 AM Post #11 |
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.
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I love how they cherry pick what parts of their religion they want to enforce. Living together before marriage is immoral. Being in a lesbian relationship is somewhat okay though. Obviously they're not totally fine with it and wouldn't have been at first but how can they decide to go against their faith and accept that(mostly) but still ban crap like this? It's kind of funny really. Were it me I'd probably just laugh hysterically, pack my things and disown them Guess you should just go along with it for as long as you can be bothered. However, with this sleeping in separate rooms thing assuming they're going to check you should totally leave sex toys around both rooms just to see what they say then, are they against God too? Obviously that's a bit weird but imagine their faces. |
![]() Definitely not a succubus, fear not | |
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| lazerbem | May 25 2015, 04:47 AM Post #12 |
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They actually aren't cherry picking. So far as I can remember, only male on male relationships were condemned, and even some of those are kind of fishy due to the way they are worded(Leviticus can be translated as two men shouldn't lie in a woman's bed) And I don't think that provoking and alienating financial support is a good idea. Better to swallow your pride and act as though things are perfectly reasonable |
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| lucrowe | May 25 2015, 06:13 AM Post #13 |
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You're an adult! You're allowed to do whatever you want even if your parents don't like the idea of it. And besides, you don't need their money. Two incomes should be more than enough to sustain bills and rent in a one bedroom apartment. Sit with your partner and work out a budget plan and find out exactly how much you need to finance your deposit and basic necessities, and a following budget to figure out roughly how much money you'll need per week to live. That will give you an idea of whether or not you can support yourselves and if you're falling short guided by your current cash flow, start to figure out how you can make up the rest of the money needed for survival. You might need to pick up an extra shift or two between the both of you but you'll find your way. Maybe see a financial planner if you're really struggling. With two incomes, there wouldn't be much holding you back at all. You might need to spread your time frame out a bit to fill in the gaps for your deposit and living necessities but good things come to those who wait ![]() And yeah, nah, gotta get your folks caught up with the modern era. Couples living together before marriage isn't as ludicrous as it once was. |
![]() "I'm not in it for the money, I'm rapping to be relevant, Spittin' for the hell of it to get me in my element and stomp whack rappers like an elephant... I'm the celebrant delegate spittin' elegant benevolence" - Lucrowe MC. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lucrowe-MC/661247567303948?ref=bookmarks *Str8 Outta Namek, A Crazy Mutha F**ka Named Lucrowe* | |
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| Hurry My Curry | May 25 2015, 06:25 AM Post #14 |
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Master Troll
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You and your girlfriend are both in college right? So if your parents cut you off financially, that means that they're not paying for your college wither? If that's the case, I think it's necessary that you play along with their rules until you have the financial security that comes with a college degree. Consider it a short term sacrifice in return for long term financial security for you and your partner as well as ridding yourself of the dependency on your parents. |
| Miles for mod | |
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May 25 2015, 06:37 AM Post #15 |
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They only mentioned cutting me off in terms of living expenses, not college. That's definitely too important to them to give it up now. My girlfriend isn't in college, though. She works full time. |
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